Love me some ‘Lover’

After binge-listening to Taylor Swift’s album, Lover, and recently learning about the Karlie Kloss – Taylor Swift (conspiracy) relationship, I’ve been blown away by some of Swift’s work. No, this isn’t just a shoutout to T-Swizzle’s songs—even if I’ve been a fan since wayyy back in the day and still know the entire rap to “Thug Story” (feat. T-Pain)—I’m impressed with how significantly her album resonates with my experience in pseudo-dating a straight girl.

At 5:10am on August 23rd, I started streamed Lover while getting ready for work at the cafe. I was pleasantly surprised by the bops, but just two minutes and 35 second into the second song in the album, my brain lit up. “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you.” What.

Having been out for five-ish years, I’ve dated a few women in shorter and longer-term relationships. At times, some of those women were closeted. I’ll be honest; dating someone who won’t call you their significant other to significant people (or strangers) in their life can allow your doubts about the relationship to creep in unless you have amazing communication and understanding with your partner.

For some of those closeted women, I was the shallow end of the pool, offering just enough to dip their toes and test the waters. To others, I was the entire oasis. Whether acting as someone to talk to about their questioning orientation or someone to dive in head first with, I appreciated my time and learned so much about myself and people’s experiences in coming out with each one of those women.

But this takes me back to what Swift is saying here. Sometimes I feel like I’ve ~been there, done that~ with closeted women. I understand that is a controversial statement that isn’t fair for those who haven’t come out (and every case is unique, especially with families; that’s a different topic), but frankly, I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you.

If I am dating someone I’m crazy about, I want the world to know. I want to show my partner off, for my friends and family to love her as much as I do, and I want every stranger who slides into my DM’s to know that what they’re doing is absolutely pointless. I also want her friends, her family, and her strangers to know it’s a mutual kind of love.

However, if my exes wrote a list of words to describe me (alongside hilarious, thoughtful, and authentic (💁)) they’d include “patient.” If I believe there’s hope, I’ll do whatever I can to make us work, even if it means waiting for my partner to be comfortable in her own skin. My only condition is that I have to know that the secret has an expiration date.

So, two minutes and 35 seconds, and Taylor Swift got me hooked on more than her… hooks.

The conspiracy within Lover, most simply put, reveals that Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss had a romantic relationship that resulted in sharing an apartment on Cornelia Street (yes, like the song) and the two potentially getting engaged during Karlie’s birthday week at a Swift-rented estate in Wyoming.

I can’t fathom trying to synopsize the entire conspiracy, so if you want to read about the ~maybe Kaylor relationship~, you can read about it here (fun fact, this site was temporarily taken down after Lover released… sounds fishy, eh?).

Honestly, I’m not here to fight about whether the relationship happened or not (it definitely did), so regardless of the circumstances, this kinda ~gay lens~ is how I hear Swift’s album. I hear it through the life I’ve lived, with the relationships I’ve had, and it means more to me that way.

I don’t know what happened between Taylor and Karlie. I’ve painted a picture from listening to the album, but I’ll probably never know the truth. I do know that they were once inseparable, that they loved each other, and that everyone knows how it feels to lose someone that significant in their lives. I can only hope that it wasn’t some secret—some fear of facing one’s true self—that caused the divide.

As progressive as the world is (sort of) becoming, there is still a mountain of norms to fight just to be ourselves. So, I get it. As much effort as I’ve put in to become who I am, I don’t want to keep my life a secret just to keep someone….

Unless I do—which is the craziest part about this all. Who knows what we’d put ourselves through if the real thing came along.