Learning

Learning

I’m learning to walk without you—and except for that night through the streets of New York—I technically always have. You were consistently hundreds of miles away, but you never failed to whisper in my ear and laugh with me wherever we were going.

You remain this phantom I’ve hosted for months—appearing on sidewalks as cars pass playing our songs. The hardest part is knowing that you’re just as close as you have always been; a movement to the device that never leaves my side, and yet, everything has changed so that you’re not.

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Water Ice

Water Ice

It’s been dreary since my mood changed. If you’re in the general Northeast, you know this week’s weather isn’t something to cheer over unless you’re into wet BBQ’s and binging TV (don’t worry, I binge watched a season of The Office this weekend… maybe two).

For the most part, this Summer has been entirely full of life—so much, in fact, that I had to fend off a panic attack mid-Spring because I booked something five days of every week this Summer. While exciting, I was scared I overloaded my plate. I never plan that much and my favorite memories are often sporadic trips with no itinerary until I’m in the car.

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Green.

Green.

Green are the eyes cast back at me
like ones in my reflection,
but lighter,
and darker
around the center.

Brunette is the hair I grasp
just as before,
but not any as soft,
nor any I palm and lift with her head
so gracefully

As I do,
a smile so contagious
comes across your face,
and a farce remains on mine
until you break me

With those eyes
and that hair
and that smile,
I smile.

Silence

Silence

Ambient sound is so loud. Wherever I went in college I was followed by this unplaceable, yet greatly present something. From the clap of excitement the moment my parents’ car door opened on move-in day freshman year, to our collective roar during the cap toss at commencement, there was no moment I stopped to recognize silence. For other reasons, it continued for years after college as well.

I had fun, and there were times I was stopped in my tracks during those four years, but it was never in a way that made me rethink silence. Even on nights I’d stay in and watch my apartment door close to muffled laughs as my friends left for the bar, there was some kind of noise. Maybe it was a pregame continuing next door, students outside speaking low, or even the building humming, I had noise all around me.

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The Letter.

The Letter.

Possibly one of the most paramount realizations a person can make is to continually recognize who they have been in life. For you and me, this might mean acknowledging your faults and merits, what experiences forged you, understanding why you liked, loved, tolerated, or hated another. We become who we are because of who we have been.

None of us live easy lives. I have stresses that keep me up at night, but I am cursed, and fortunate as hell, that the greatest in the forefront of my head is love.

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Fixated on Water

Fixated on Water

I’m sorry if I approached you like a wave –
crashing at your feet as you stared beyond me.
All I wanted as I reached at your skin
was to feel you want me around you again.

But that’s not what worked and I aimed to drown.
I pushed and pulled and you’re sinking down.

You got stuck in my tide with the changing day,
that’s what we get, for I’m a tidal wave.