The end of the world

The end of the world

I’ve recently thought about what I’d do if the world was ending. If the phone lines all crashed – if nobody could contact each other… I don’t know how I’d react.

I couldn’t go to Long Island because I’d have to drive through NYC. All the roads would be blocked and that’s honestly the dumbest location to be. I can’t see my parents – they’re too far. Gas would be hard to come by and I wouldn’t be able to get as far as DC, let alone Florida.

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The fireflies we caught

The fireflies we caught

You are the fireflies,
laughs in the bodega,
the skip under my step,
the late night in a city we don’t know.

You are the butterflies in my stomach,
the numbness in my arms,
the smile aching on my face.

And no, you aren’t only these things,
but they hold pieces of you
that will never be lost.

No matter how many more memories
I build on top of them,
or how much I sometimes wish
you weren’t.

You are every late night phone call,
every FaceTime ring,
and all of the texts I prayed
were from you.

For the entirety of my life,
you are the happinessI will search for,
because you are the fireflies
we caught that night.

Continuing.

Continuing.

I once wrote a letter. It contained my deepest thoughts and feelings about you… and I never sent it. I wanted to, trust me, but ultimately, it’s now tucked into my journal—the pages torn from being carried around for so long—and it’s going to stay there, invisibly so.

I think I wrote it wrong. I think I was right to leave you be, but again, I was wrong to believe that letter could change something. I’m not sure what it was; that you’d finally understand why I was so hurt, that you’d empathize and feel for me, or that I’d convince you to love me.

Continue reading “Continuing.”